You can build me up, you can tear me down
by thegirl20
Summary: A few bits from Noah's POV during and after Vanessa's kidnapping.
1. Chapter 1

They've been gone almost a whole week now, and the whole house feels their absence. Moses asks for Johnny all the time. The dishes pile up higher than usual before someone stacks the dishwasher. He has to hunt around in the washing basket for socks in the morning. His mum hasn't smiled properly in days. All she does now is check her phone constantly and snap at everybody.

None of this adds up, if you ask him. Vanessa's not the type to just leave the country because of an argument. His mum? Yeah, definitely. Only she wouldn't take any of the kids with her. She'd go on her own and drink herself into oblivion in a French pub and probably post photos of it on Facebook. But Vanessa's not vindictive and petty like that. She's sensible and reliable; his mum's always saying so. So why would she just up and leave and not contact anybody?

From the corner of his eye, he sees his mum lift her phone and flick through whatever apps it is she checks every five minutes to see if Vanessa's been in touch. She sighs and flings it to the other end of the sofa. He doesn't know why; she'll be on it again before long.

"D'you really think Vanessa's in Disneyland Paris on her own?" he asks. "Like, honestly?"

Her eyes flicker to his briefly before rolling. "Well, how would I know, Noah? Since she hasn't bothered her behind to let me know where she is. I've just got to go on what _Tracy _tells me." She sighs. "She could be in flaming Timbuktu for all I know."

"Yeah, but, that's not like Vanessa." He fiddles with the dog-eared corner of his French homework. "Why would she do this?" She remains strangely silent on the subject. "Is it all 'cause you didn't turn up at the wedding because of whatever you and Ryan were doing?"

She twists in her seat, frowning at him. "Oh, yeah. Course it would be my fault, wouldn't it? Saint Vanessa couldn't just be in a strop over nothing."

"Mum, you left her waiting like a right idiot at that registry office. She was _so _excited in the taxi on the way and then you just didn't turn up." He laughs and shakes his head. "I was surprised she didn't just dump you again after that. She definitely wasn't happy about it, was she?"

"Look," she begins, in that condescending tone she uses that really gets on his goat. "When you're a grown up, Noah, you might actually understand that adults have to deal with things a bit more complicated than deciding what to spend your V-Pounds on in Minecraft, yeah?"

He ignores her words. "But she stuck around after that. So _something _must've happened to make her decide to go away on your honeymoon without taking you."

She turns her back on him and slouches down on the couch. "Well, your guess is as good as mine, kid."

He sighs and returns to his verbs. His mum's putting up a good front, but something tells him that _she's _not too sure that Vanessa would do this either. But if she's not in Paris, then where _is _she? He's tried texting her, but he's had no response. Which is weird too. Even that last time when she properly split up with his mum, she was still dead nice to him and Sarah. Told them she'd always be there for them. And now nothing? It's not right.

Barely two minutes pass before his mum leans over and retrieves her phone, starting the same cycle over again.

He sighs and tries to concentrate on his homework.

He doesn't succeed.


	2. Chapter 2

_get on marlon's page now. it's mental!_

Noah rolls his eyes at Samson's text, but he's bored out of his skull, so he clicks on the link in the text and the page opens up - someone's livestreaming to it, but it's a rubbish angle and you can only see their legs. He listens, trying to pick up on what they're talking about. There's a man and a woman and the woman sounds like she's crying, and she sounds really familiar.

_I watched him. He was cruel. He may have appeared kind to you, but to everyone else? Despicable. He told me that he'd killed people who'd done less than me, and he seemed proud of it._

_Then what happened?_

He realises with a start that it's Rhona's voice. It all clicks into place; they're talking about Graham.

_The end was quick. I smashed his head in with a torch._

Noah's breath starts coming quickly and for a second he thinks he might be sick. He recognises the bloke's voice now; it's that Pierce that was married to Rhona. He frowns, but he's in prison, isn't he? He was put away for raping Rhona. That Bails got 30 years for what he did to his mum. Surely they can't have let this one out after so little time?

_Is that what you did to Vanessa? And Johnny and Kim? Did you kill them too?_

His whole world stops. He can hear something that sounds like drumming, and he realises it's his heart, thumping in his chest and echoing in his ears. He struggles to hear anything over it. He's not sure if Pierce confirmed or denied what Rhona asked him.

He can't have killed them. Who'd kill a harmless little thing like Johnny? Surely not even this guy could do that. And Vanessa, she's the nicest person Noah knows. She's already been stabbed and nearly died. How can she be mixed up in this now?

Footsteps batter down the stairs and Sarah rounds the landing, eyes wide. "Are you watching this? He's got Vanessa and Johnny! And that's Laurel's house."

"Shhh!" Noah's eyes are glued to the small screen, willing Pierce to say _something _that will let him know that Vanessa and Johnny are alright, but they've moved onto something else now and Noah's chest starts to feel tight with panic. He looks to Sarah.

"They can't be dead, though. He can't have killed them."

Before she can reply, Noah scrabbles to his feet, yanking on a pair of trainers as he stumbles out of the door into the street, yelling for Sarah to stay with Moses. Blue lights are flashing, giving the whole scene a weird glow, but he quickly picks out his mum, stood at a police barrier with Tracy. Tracy's got her arms around his mum.

"Mum!"

She doesn't even turn around. Tracy does, and her face is streaked with tears.

"Noah," she says. "You'd- you'd best go back inside, yeah?" She tries to smile at him. "No point in us all standing out here freezing, is there?"

She's treating him like some daft kid who doesn't know what's going on. He shakes his head and steps in front of his mum; she still doesn't look at him. Her eyes are trained on the house up the road, like her whole life is in there.

"Mum!" His voice breaks on the single word. "Mum, are they in there? Are Vanessa and Johnny in there with him?"

She just keeps staring up the road. Again, it's up to Tracy to speak to him. "We don't know, Noah. We think so, yeah."

"Then why are all them cops standing around?" he demands. "Why aren't they in there getting them out?" He grabs his mother's arms until she looks at him. "Why didn't _you _get her out? Why did you believe she'd go away and leave us without saying anything?"

"Noah," Tracy begins, gripping his wrist. "This isn't your mum's fault. We _all_ thought Vanessa had gone to Paris."

"It is my fault."

The first words she speaks take the wind out of his sails. She's never one to take responsibility. Especially not for things like this. But she shushes Tracy when she tries to protest.

"No, it is." She sniffs. "If we hadn't argued that day, I'd have known something was wrong straight away when she didn't come home. I'd have- I'd have _known_. I'd have looked for them sooner. Instead of leaving them with that- that _bastard_." She covers her mouth with her hand. "Oh God, if he's hurt them-"

Noah swipes angrily at his face. He wants to yell at her, he needs somewhere to direct his anger, but she's just as terrified as he is. "Mum," he says. "What if they're-"

"Don't say that," Tracy begs. "They're _fine_. I know they are. Aren't they Charity?"

She takes too long to reply, so he knows she's thinking what he's thinking. But eventually she nods and tries to give him a smile. "Course they are. You know our Ness. Tough as old boots, she is."

"But Johnny's only little. And he's-"

Her eyes go wide and he turns just in time to see a load of police officers entering Laurel's. It's not like on the telly, there's no music to tell you that something exciting's happening. It's just silence. And all they can do is wait. His mum's hand grasps his own and he holds on tight.

There's the occasional crackle of static as police speak into their radios. A woman starts to walk towards them, talking into her shoulder. His fingers creak from how tightly his mum is holding them, but he doesn't protest.

"We've located both Vanessa and Johnny," she says, in that dead calm way police have of talking. "They're alive and responding, but we-"

Whatever else she says is lost in the noise his mum makes, somewhere between a wail and a sob, and then Tracy's hugging her and pulling him in an'all. It feels like a month since he found out she was in that house, even though it can't be more than half an hour, and the utter relief he feels is indescribable.

They're _alive_.

Wrestling her way out of the embrace, his mum's already lifting up the police tape and trying to get underneath. "Where are they? I need to see them. I need to tell her I'm- I'm-."

The woman puts a hand on his mum's shoulder and shakes her head. "I'm really sorry, but we have to get them to hospital as quickly as we can to assess their condition. You can go to the hospital and you'll get to see them there once they've been examined."

"Condition?" She shakes her head. "They're- they're hurt? He's hurt them?"

"We'll know better once they've been seen by a doctor, now, please, stay on this side of the tape."

"C'mon," Tracy's saying, tugging at his mum's arm. "Let's get down there. Are you alright to drive or should we ask-"

Noah follows them. "I'm coming with you."

"No." Pulling away from Tracy, his mum grabs him by the shoulders and looks him properly in the eye. "They- they won't let all of us in at this hour, babe. You need to go home and wait. Try and get some sleep, eh? I'll call you when I know anything."

"But, she was there for me," he protests, his throat almost too tight and sore to get the words through. "She was there when I woke up in the hospital. I want to be there for her. And Johnny. He's so little and he'll be frightened if there's nobody with him."

Fresh tears make their way down his mum's cheeks as she shakes her head. "Me and Tracy will be with them. With both of them. I know you want to be there too, but there's nothing you can do right now. And I _need _you to wait here, with Sarah and Moses, where I know you're all together and safe, yeah?"

He hears the plea in her voice. He knows that she probably doesn't want him to see Vanessa in whatever state she might currently be in. For all his mother is a bombscare at times, she also likes to be in control of the facts. She hates the unknown and the thought of taking him with her when she doesn't know what's waiting for them will only make things worse for her. So he nods.

"Call me as _soon _as you know anything, okay?"

She nods rapidly. "I will. Promise." She darts forward and kisses his cheek. "Go home. Lock the door. I'll call you."

He watches her jog to Tracy, draping an arm around her shoulders as they make their way down to her car. He trudges down the road, his mind still going a mile a minute over all the things that could possibly have happened in the time Vanessa's been missing. He feels sick just thinking about what he might have done to her. To both of them.

When he opens the door, Sarah's in his face right away, asking questions.

"They're alive," he says.

To his surprise, Sarah bursts into tears and throws her arms around him. They're not that touchy-feely, normally, but he wraps his arms around her. Because he really needs a hug right now. She quickly lets go, pulling away and wiping her face with her sleeve.

"Sorry," she sniffs. "I just-"

"Yeah." He nods. "Me too."

"So where are they now?"

"Going to hospital." He kicks his shoes off and moves round to the sofa, falling heavily onto it. "Mum's gonna phone to let me know how they are when she's seen them."

Sarah perches on the armchair and nods. "Then we just have to wait."

So they wait.


	3. Chapter 3

It's after midnight when she finally calls. Both him and Sarah are still up, sitting on the sofa pretending to watch some rubbish that Sarah's shoved on Netflix. When his phone rings, he's almost too scared to answer it until Sarah nudges him into action. He accepts the call and puts the phone on speaker so Sarah can hear.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe." She sounds tired. "I wasn't going to ring so late, but I said I would, so-"

"How are they?" he asks, not bothered about whatever thought process she went through before ringing him.

"Yeah, they're fine." She doesn't sound like she really believes what she's saying. "I mean, obviously, they've been through hell, but aside from dehydration and some bruises, they're okay."

"You're not just saying that?" he asks. "Like, has a doctor actually told you they're okay?"

"Yes, Noah." She's probably rolling her eyes. "I've had a good long talk with more than one doctor, thank you very much."

"Have you seen them?" Sarah puts in.

"Uh, yeah." She coughs, probably to cover up that her voice sounds like she wants to cry. "I got to give Johnny a big cuddle." There's a pause where they hear her sniff and let out a breath. "He's sleeping now. Tracy's with him."

"And Ness?" Noah asks.

"She's-" There's a longer pause this time, and he's sure she's taken the phone away from her mouth. When she speaks again, her voice is rough. "I haven't had a chance to get a cuddle off her yet. She was a bit worked up in the ambulance, they said, worrying about Johnny and that, so they gave her something to calm her down. She's been asleep since she got here."

"But they've checked her over?" he asks. "They've checked that he-" He swallows. "He didn't-"

Sarah covers her mouth, like this is the first this has occurred to her.

"They've checked her over." Her voice sounds stronger now. "She's got bruises on her wrists where he had her tied up, and she's a bit malnourished and a _lot _dehydrated, but aside from that, she's okay."

"Okay, good." He closes his eyes.

"When can we come and see them?" Sarah asks. "We can bunk off school and-"

"No." She sighs. "Look, they'll let them out tomorrow, yeah? There's not much point in you heading down here when we're probably gonna pass you on the way home. Just go to school as normal, get Chas or Paddy to take Moses, and by the time you get back, everyone will be home, okay?"

"But-"

"I'll tell Ness you're thinking of her," she tells them. "I promise. I'll make sure she knows how much we all missed her."

"Okay." He can tell by his mother's voice that she's not in the mood to argue.

"Listen, I need to get back. I don't want her waking up and being by herself. So the pair of you get to bed and don't worry about Vanessa and Johnny, okay? They're in good hands."

Sarah shrugs at him. "We'll see you all tomorrow, then."

"Na'night," she says, softer now. "Lock the door, yeah?"

"Night." Noah hangs up and looks at Sarah. "D'you think she's telling the truth? About him and what he did to Vanessa?"

"Dunno." She bites her lip. "Hope so. God, as if keeping her hostage for more than a week is bad enough." Sarah blinks rapidly. "She must've been so scared."

He nods. "And she was _so _close. Just up the road. And none of us looked for her."

"Tracy got a text, though," Sarah protests. "We thought she was in France."

"I _knew _she wouldn't do that," he says. "It's not her style. I _knew _there were something dodgy about it."

Sarah frowns. "Well, don't get all high and mighty about it now. You never said anything at the time."

And that's the worst of it. For all his thoughts and feelings on the matter, he didn't _do _anything about it. He asked his mum about it, once. If he'd just pushed a bit more, maybe _she'd _have admitted to herself it was out of character for Vanessa and maybe she'd have done something earlier. They should've checked for her passport. They should've looked to see what clothes she'd taken for her and Johnny.

Instead all they did was accept one stupid text to Tracy's phone as the be all and end all. As if Vanessa wouldn't pick up her phone for over a week. As if she's selfish enough not to pick up when _he _calls just because she's not speaking to his mum. That's not Vanessa, and he _knew _that. Everybody should've known that.

Sarah touches his shoulder and he turns away, wiping at his face. "Hey. I'm sorry, I wasn't blaming you or anything," she says.

"I know," he tells her. That doesn't stop him from blaming himself. "We better get to bed. I'll never get up in the morning if we don't."

She stands and stretches. "At least they're safe now."

"Yeah." And if he has any say in the matter, they'll stay that way. All of their family will.

He checks the door's locked twice before heading up the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning comes and he snoozes his alarm three times before dragging himself out of bed. Between him and Sarah, they get Moses up and ready. He's dead excited when they tell him Johnny and Vanessa are coming home today. He says he'll do a painting for them at school. Noah can see Sarah trying to catch his eye, probably wondering if they should tell Moses anything about what's happened, but that's not up to them. That's up to Vanessa.

During breakfast, Noah gets a text from his mum to say that Vanessa's woken up and she's okay and she sends her love to the pair of them. A little more of the tension leaves his chest at that. He's not sure what he was worried about on that front; maybe that Vanessa would wake up and be different, somehow. That the ordeal would've changed her. That happens, sometimes. People go through awful things and they can't get over them and it makes them different. He'd hate it if that happened to Vanessa.

* * *

They head to school and he gets a couple more updates about their condition throughout the day.

Tracy sends him a picture of Johnny asleep on his mum's shoulder at one point and he has to go to the loos to hide and get himself under control. He's not sure when Johnny became his brother. God knows he fought against it for long enough; back when he was sure Vanessa would be a temporary addition to their lives. Johnny had always been so different from Moses. He was quiet and thoughtful, and although they're nearly the same age, he always was so much smaller and more fragile looking than Moses.

In the early days, when Vanessa was trying to arrange as many 'family' things as she could, Johnny would latch onto Noah as soon as he saw him, looking up at him with his big eyes and wrapping his little hand around Noah's pinkie. At first Noah had sighed and pretended it was such a hassle to have to put up with him. It didn't last long, though. Before he'd even realised it, Noah had started to look forward to the times Vanessa would bring him over. He'd heft him onto his hip and tickle him or lift him high onto his shoulders and trot around the pub car park, pretending to be a horse to Johnny's brave knight.

Noah's no stranger to new brothers. He's had surprise baby brothers, surprise older brothers, brothers he never wanted and brothers that didn't want him. But he's never had a brother based solely on love before. And that's what Johnny is. There's no Dingle blood connecting him and Johnny like it does half the village. He's more related to that Jamie Tate bloke than he is Johnny, and he's never even spoken to him. He's not obligated to love Johnny, and yet he does. Totally and fiercely. The thought of that Pierce hurting him makes Noah so angry that it frightens him. He's seen what anger does to people in his family, what it makes them do, and he doesn't want to be that way. But when it comes to people hurting his family, he can understand it.

* * *

On the bus home, he texts his mum to ask if they're home, but he doesn't get a reply. The house is empty when they get in, and nothing's been touched since they left.

"She said they'd be getting out," he comments with a frown.

Sarah rolls her eyes. "Doctors are a total nightmare." She crosses her arms over her stomach. "They say you'll get out, but a doctor has to come and sign you out, and they usually play golf for half the day and _then _decide to come to work, so it can be all hours before you're even seen."

"Right." He nods. Sarah would know that more than most. "So, you reckon they will get out, then?"

"Granny Charity said they would. If there's nothing wrong with them, they won't keep them in. They don't use up beds for no reason."

Again, he can only take Sarah at her word. "Right, well, I'll go and get Moses from Chas if you tidy this place up a bit, yeah?"

"Sexist," Sarah huffs. "_I'll _go and get Moses and _you _tidy up."

He sighs. "Whatever."

* * *

It's after five by the time they've tidied round and retrieved Moses. He's doing some colouring in at the table. Noah checks his phone again, but there's still nothing from anybody.

"D'you think we should-"

The door opens and both he and Sarah sprint through from the kitchen to see who it is. Tracy comes in first, giving them both a tight smile. She steps to the side to let his mum in, with Johnny on her hip, his arms tight around her neck. He's got dark circles under his eyes and he looks a bit skinnier than before, but he's in one piece and when his eyes land on Noah, his face breaks into a smile.

"Noah!"

"Hey mate!" Noah holds out his arms and Johnny reaches for him.

As she passes him over, his mum whispers. "Careful, yeah?"

He nods, closing his eyes as Johnny hugs him as hard as his little skinny arms will allow. Sarah presses kisses to Johnny's cheek and rubs his back, telling him how happy she is to see him.

"Johnny!"

Obviously having heard the voices, Moses barrels into Noah's legs, jumping up and catching on to Johnny's coat, trying to drag him down. His mum moves in immediately, gently pulling Moses away and trying to get his attention.

"Moz, listen to me, right?" She widens her eyes. "When Noah puts Johnny down, I want you to give him a really gentle hug, okay? I know you're happy he's home, but he's been a little bit poorly and we can't be too rough on him, yeah?"

Moses nods along with her. "I'll be really gentle wif him."

"Okay, baba." She nods at Noah to put Johnny down, but stays close to monitor how gentle Moses actually is.

It's dead sweet, seeing Moses give Johnny a hug. True to his word, he's really gentle. And when Noah hears him whisper '_I missed you_', he has to turn away. He frowns when he sees Tracy leaning against the wall, on her own.

"Where's Vanessa?" he asks, eyes flicking between Tracy and his mum. "You said they were getting out today."

"They're keeping her in for one more night, babe," his mum says, with a glance at Tracy. "I'm not exactly sure why. Just to be on the safe side, I think."

"She's so exhausted, Noah," Tracy tells him, looking more than a little bit tired herself. "I think they just want to let her get a decent night's sleep and see how she is in the morning."

Sarah frowns at this, but doesn't say anything. He turns his attention to his mother. "And you left her there on her own? You should've phoned. I'd have come down and taken over from you."

She sighs. "I _wanted_ to stay with her," she says. "But she told us to bring Johnny home and be with him. That's what she wanted, babe. And like Trace said, she's absolutely knackered, it's rest she needs, not visitors."

"And what if she wakes up in the middle of the night and she's alone?" he demands. "Like she has been for the last two weeks?"

His mum presses her lips together and turns her face away, covering her mouth. Tracy steps forward and puts a hand on her back.

"Noah," she says. "We all feel guilty enough as it is, yeah? Please don't give your mum a hard time."

The anger in him surges upwards, threatening to spill out, but just as quickly it recedes and he closes his eyes. "I just- I thought she'd be home. That we'd get to see her."

Warm arms wrap around him and he lets himself sink into his mother's embrace, wrapping his own arms around her in return. "I know. I know. I thought she'd be home too."

They separate and he rubs his face, smiling when he sees Johnny and Moses sat under the table, deep in conversation about a toy train Johnny's holding. At least some things are back to normal.

"Right," Tracy says. "I'd probably better head over-"

She doesn't get to finish because his mum takes her by the shoulders and propels her into the living room, shoving her down on the sofa. "You're going nowhere, lady. I know for a fact you've not eaten all day."

"Neither have you," Tracy protests.

She ignores that. "And I'm willing to bet neither of these lazy gets has made any tea for themselves." She looks between him and Sarah.

"Moses was fed at the pub," Sarah says with a shrug. "And we weren't that hungry."

"We'll phone a pizza," his mum says. "We could all do with some hot food inside us." Her eyes flicker to Johnny and then to Tracy. "And I don't want you over there on your own, thinking all the thoughts I know you'll be thinking."

Tracy gives her a tired smile "Ta, Charity. I could probably manage a slice of pizza."

She nods. "Good. I'll get that sorted, then." She moves into the kitchen to find the takeaway menus, which Vanessa has put in a tin with a label on it that says 'takeaway menus'. Noah sits down on the sofa beside Tracy.

"Is she really okay?" he asks. "Vanessa, I mean. Mum's not covering anything up, is she?"

Tracy shakes her head and squeezes his arm. "She's as okay as anyone could be after going through what she's gone through." She smiles, sadly. "She's tired, bit weepy. She was more concerned about Johnny than herself."

He nods. "Sounds like her."

"Exactly. She's still Vanessa. And she's really looking forward to seeing you." She bumps his shoulder. "She said she'll be testing you on your geography whatsits when she gets home, so you better have been studying up."

His heart floods with genuine relief. Because he knows that Tracy's not just fobbing him off now. There's no way Tracy'd know that he'd been worried about geography specifically. There's no way his _mother _even knows what subjects he's taking, let alone the ones he's got concerns about. But Vanessa knows. She'd been helping him make little cards with notes written in all different coloured pens so that he'd be able to visualise the information in his head when he was trying to remember it. So he _knows _this is genuinely something she's said to Tracy. That she's thinking about him, even in this awful time.

'Cause that's what parents do.


	5. Chapter 5

In the end, he decides to bunk off the last period. It's only French anyway. His mum texted earlier to say Vanessa was home so he could stop worrying. But until he sees her with his own eyes, and makes sure his mum's not trying to protect him from anything, he knows he won't be able to settle properly.

He plucks at the strap of his rucksack all the way home on the bus, fiddling with a bit that's fraying. He has to make himself stop bouncing his knee twice. When the bus drops him off, he takes off at a run down the street and doesn't stop till he gets through the door. He sees her immediately; sat on the sofa in her dressing gown watching telly like nothing's changed. Like she _hasn't _just been held hostage for two weeks by a raging psychopath.

"Ness!" He closes the door and kicks off his shoes.

"Noah? You're early." She takes a second to turn around, and it looks like she's wiping away tears. When she does turn, she's smiling, but she looks tired, and her wrist that's resting on the back of the couch is all red and bruised. "Tell me you're not bunking off school."

"Only one period," he says, rounding the couch. He sits down beside her, unsure of whether or not he should hug her. She looks like it might hurt her. She smiles and opens her arms.

"Come here."

He leans in and wraps his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder. He doesn't realise he's crying until she's rubbing his back and saying soothing words in his ear. He pulls away, rubbing at his eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to- sorry." He sniffs and looks at her. "I'm glad you're okay, that's all."

She smiles, but it's a little sad, and nods. Her hand comes to rest on the back of his neck. "Thank you."

"And I'm- I'm sorry that we didn't look for you sooner," he blurts. He hadn't planned to say that. "I knew you wouldn't have gone off on your own like that. Or, if you did, I knew you wouldn't ignore everyone. And I didn't- I just-"

"Hey," she says, rubbing his shoulders. "Like I said to your mum, and Tracy, and Rhona, nobody could have known what was going on, okay? It's nobody's fault but Pierce's."

"I hope they lock him up for good," Noah spits. "'Cause if I thought he was out and walking around I'd-"

"Oi." She shakes her head. "None of that. The police have got a ton of evidence on him. He's not walking away from this, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay." He swallows down his anger. That's the last thing she needs now. Some bloke ranting and raving at her. He sniffs and wipes his face again. "Where's mum? Upstairs?"

Her face changes before she can catch it and force it into a smile again. "She's, uh, she's had to go to work."

"Eh?" He frowns. "When you've just got home? She's left you on your own?"

"It wasn't-"

"And when is she _ever _bothered about work?" There's something not right about this. But he watches Vanessa sit back on the sofa, wrapping her arms around her stomach, and realises that him saying all this is only making her upset. Maybe they've argued again about whatever went on that day with Graham and Ryan that made his mum not turn up for the wedding.

"You know what your mum's like," Vanessa says, with a small smile. "There's only so much talk about feelings she can take. And she's been _all _over me since I woke up in that hospital. Saying all sorts." She lays a hand on his wrist. "We're okay, promise. She just needs-" She swallows. "She needs a bit of time to get her head round everything."

He nods. "Okay." Feeling a bit guilty for drawing her attention to his mother's absence, he tries to soften the blow. "She was climbing the walls the whole time you were away. She was checking her phone every two seconds, hoping you'd call or text."

Her smile grows a little warmer. "I know, love. She told me." She sighs. "And the police gave me back my phone, so I got to read her messages and listen to her voicemails." She clears her throat and sniffs. "I know how much she missed me." She nudges him. "Got a couple of voicemails from you an'all."

Flushing, he looks down at his knees. "Yeah, well, you'd said you'd be there for me and Sarah, even if you weren't talking to mum. So I thought- I thought I'd try-"

"I'd have picked up, Noah. I swear." She shakes her head. "I meant that when I said it, and I still mean it."

"Yeah." He blows out a breath. "That's why I should've known something was up. Why I should've _done _something."

"Right, we've been over this," Vanessa says, sounding more like herself than she has since he got in. "Nobody could have known. It's done. It's in the past. We just need to-" Her voice breaks up a bit and she swallows. "We just need to get on with our lives now, don't we? All of us, together."

"Yeah." He tries to smile. "You're really okay? Promise?"

Her eyes fill with tears and she reaches for him again, pulling him into a hug. He holds her tightly and is glad when she nods against his shoulder. "I'm just glad to be home," she whispers.

They part and he has to wipe his face again. He shakes his head and stands. "I'm gonna grab a sandwich. D'you want one?"

She lifts an eyebrow. "Wow. I should get kidnapped more often." When he goes to protest, she grasps his hand and squeezes. "Sorry. Terrible joke."

He nods. "Nowt's changed there, then."

She narrows her eyes, looking a bit more normal. "Oi, you." She lets go of his hand, wrapping her arms around her stomach again. "I'm not hungry, love. But I'll take a brew if there's one going."

"Okay. One cup of dishwater coming up." He heads to the kitchen and fills the kettle, watching her from the corner of his eye as he does so.

She groans as she pulls her legs up underneath herself on the couch. "You're listening to your mother far too much."

He laughs. "She says I listen to _you_ too much."

"Well, maybe listening to both of us will even itself out." She sits in silence for a bit as he sorts himself a buttie. "D'you want to go over some of your geography flashcards?" She blinks a couple of times. "When- when I was-" She coughs and shakes her head. "At night, I'd find myself picturing your cards, trying to remember all the bits of information on them." She smiles. "Kept me sane, I think, at times."

He swallows, unable to even _imagine _how horrible it must have been for her. Tied up and left to sit on the floor for days and days, with no guarantee of ever getting out alive. He tries to return her smile. "Maybe I should test you, then?"

She wrinkles her nose. "Or maybe, instead of geography, we could just stick a film on instead?"

He grins. "Yeah, let's do that. Only not one of them ones with all the women in the big dresses."

Laughing, she shakes her head. "Still not converted you to a good period drama, I see." She nods. "Fine. I think we need a good laugh, yeah? So let's find a decent comedy."

"You can pick," he says, feeling generous.

He watches as she picks up the remote and starts flicking about, making the odd comment or suggestion out loud. He makes noises of agreement where it feels like she wants an answer, but he's barely listening. He's just _so _glad she's home. Yeah, they've maybe all still got to get their head around what happened a bit, but she's home, and Johnny's home and they're both safe.

Things can only get better from now on.


End file.
